I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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