Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
