I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
