yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
