she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
