This dress was meant to end up on your floor
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
