his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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