Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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