Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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