so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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