dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
