i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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