i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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