I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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