'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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