rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
