i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
