I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
