woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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