i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
