dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am available for nakedness
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
