and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
In America we eat man semen.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize