the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
