Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
