Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
