he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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