What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
