I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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