I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
