Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize