So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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