She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
