I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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