i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's always time for handjobs
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
