remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize