Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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