I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
