the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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