well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
