I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
