I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
