my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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