it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if only i could text you this smell
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
