Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
