Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
