Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
