"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
