you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
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