i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
