I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
