i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
