That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
