is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just pee around me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
