Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize