Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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