The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
