she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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