did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
