i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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