Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
