last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
