youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
