You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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