hotel room ftw
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
