It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
