I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
