my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
