omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
