Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize