so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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