Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
