you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
