You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
