a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
