I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Randomize
