that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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