if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The air was thick with penises
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
