96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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