Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
