once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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