Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize