You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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